Evie's London Escort Blog

My first waterproof toy was one of these Luv My Ducky things. It was hard vinyl and bore an innocent Who Me? smile. You squeezed it’s back to switch it on. Mr Duck would buzz and float along, bobbing about and the vibrations would make the water ripple. You could use the beak and his little nub tail for hard to reach places. Mr Duck ran on 1x AAA.

• As a side note: I have yet to be convinced 1xAAA is enough power for a toothbrush, let alone the more serious matter of bathtub wickedness.Was it enough power to get past a hard casing under water, with enough vibration for a happy bathy? Not really, not that I didn’t try.

In the end the Duckie was more of a novelty than anything and sat smiling at the foot of the bath for decoration.

I came in one day with the intention of a truly luxurious bath. Candles, wine, bubble bath… Mmmm heaven! A relaxing soak after a long day. I thought of Mr Duck down at the end of the bathtub near my foot, that smile looking so forlorn and abandoned!! I picked him up and squeezed him hello, and the blasted thing wouldn’t squeeze-on! No!!! I tried a few more times, thinking ‘Can I be bothered to tread about in a towel shivering? I could get one out of the remote for the tv. Can I handle batteries when I’m wet? What about the screwdriver to get this casing off, I’ll get a knife from the kitchen…’ The thought process of someone whose vibrator is not working, but I didn’t even get that far.

My bathtoy seemed to be hissing.  A sort of hissing fizzing sound coming from my duck shaped friend. Turning it over I couldn’t see any immediate signs until I saw a bit of bubbling from the edges of the battery casing. (The battery is in the bottom of the thing with a little rubber seal) Turned out the water had seeped into the battery casing and flooded it, then sat there and corroded with the pressure building. That hissing I heard was the acid. Talk about killing my buzz, literally. Fully submersible fun eh?

So Mr Duck hit the rubbish bin like a hand grenade. My bathtime playtoy might have exploded at any moment. it was actually kind of scary. What could have been-

What if I had to phone 999???

‘Yes hello? I just exploded my vagina with a duck’

‘Your clitoris is going to be ok Miss- it is hooked up to a respirator and doing well- you can start the physio anytime, do let us know if there’s *anything* we can do to help, here’s my number if you need some help…     Your lover?… I’m afraid Mr Duck didn’t make it.’

That was the end of LuvDuckie and our bathtub affair.

…I bought a new one the next week:)